Space to Grow

Gloria Sandford, LMHC

It’s about the inner work. It's not about the outcome. Joy, peace, and contentment can be found simply and sometimes solely by releasing the things we are determined we must have. We are sure that we know what we want. We want things to be different. We want you over there to be different. The work in therapy is finding that who I am is enough even if what I have doesn’t feel like enough. In this discovery of the self the first step is to unconditionally accept what is found. There are always surprises as we find our particular way of being. This movement toward self-awareness can lead to a helpful detachment or movement away from the other which helps to increase capacity to see others as they really are as well. We may find that a lot of our energy has been focused on others around us and what they want and expect. We may find that many things we thought were part of our identity are entanglements with others, parts of us that we created to accommodate the needs of others. 

This inner work is much like the process I experienced thinning carrots as a child in my parent’s expansive vegetable garden. The new carrot shoots would spring from the earth. When the green tufts were about five inches tall, it was my job to pull most of those cute little carrots up. It always felt bad to pull up what looked like a healthy plant but space had to be made. When the small carrots didn’t have the space needed, they became misshapen, twisted and sometimes even merged as one deformed carrot. In the same way enmeshment with others prevents our growth while healthy detachment with love for self and others makes space tor abundant side by side growth. We can discard limiting patterns and behaviors we have engaged with for years even if they appear nice and selfless. Gentleness is the key to accepting all that we find, the entanglements as well as the true self. It is the first step to detangling so that we can grow more into who we were created to be and make space for others to do the same.